Thursday, January 28, 2016

Ma, Kanye's Acting Stupid Again!

I'm still trying to figure this out. Kanye's #twitterbeef with Wiz truly made him sound incredibly stupid, to the nth degree. I mean, seriously...Kanye attempted to insult Amber Rose by calling Muva a stripper. But didn't he also date said stripper? So...

He sarcastically states that Wiz was mad because he was trapped by Amber for the next 18 years, because they had a child together (and that B.S. he said about owning Wiz's child--Kanye needs his ass whooped for that!) But you were diving in the same punanny, Kanye.  And you have two lifetime child support payments with a chick that will forever, in PERPETUITY, be found through any number of media outlets, getting the back of her throat blown out by a B-List celebrity. So... #RayJHitItFirst


This is why I can't fuck with Kanye.  Kanye's talent is completely overshadowed by his massive ego, and to me, that's a detriment to the caliber of star that he CAN be.  Kanye claims to be the biggest entertainer of all times. Yes, ONLY in his head.  ONLY! Kanye does not seem to understand that what makes someone like Michael Jackson great is not just his album sales, it was the humanity and the compassion that Michael Jackson exuded for his fellow entertainers, and non-celebrities alike.  He may have been "above" us, but Michael made us feel like he was one of us.  I can't say that for Kanye.  That bastard thinks he is above EVERYONE, and I haven't gave a damn about him since he pulled that stunt with Taylor Swift.  I bet you that if Taylor had been a man, he wouldn't have taken his ass on that stage.  But I digress...

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Kanye truly feels that Kim Kardashian is of such a higher pedigree than Amber Rose.  Dude, your wife is a ho.  She might be a rich ho, but she's a ho just the same.  And she's a ho for err'body! Only YOU would think that your wife's body being on display for the world to see is something to take pride in.  Your ego keeps you from even understanding that as a wife, her goodies are for you to see, and not the entire world. How long is she
gonna ho' herself for likes and retweets? We see her soul has a price, and apparently, as an alleged man, yours does, too. And by the way, if you ask most men, I'm sure they would rather wife Amber Rose than Ray J's pornstar. I'm just saying...you can pretend that she's this delicate, untouched flower, but man, Ray J blew her throat out! How do you act like that didn't happen? *in my Kevin Hart voice*

Kanye, if you like it, I love it, but don't act like Kim ain't a ho.  She might an expensive ho, but dude... YOUR. GIRL. IS. A. HO. So, before you start trying to diss Amber Rose, let's just think about that... #ImmaPutThisRightHere


#NeverForget


#WeGottaTalk

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

I Gotta Bone to Pick...

I was on my way to work this morning, and sitting at a stop light, I saw one of my mother's good friends pass on the highway.  I got tickled to myself as I saw her, thinking about the many crazy things that she has been known to do and say, including lies that she has told about one of my friends and myself! I was tickled at first, but then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much just looking at her pissed me off! Then I realized, damn, I've held a grudge against this woman for almost 20 years! LOL! And I was cool with it...She'd just better be glad I was a RESPECTFUL teen at the time, and I wasn't old enough to check her ig'nant azz...

via GIPHY
Then I thought about the old man from my neighborhood that came to my job and accused my boyfriend and I of passing him a counterfeit $100 bill. Now, keep in mind that this man has known me MY WHOLE LIFE! Hell, my father even shot at him some years before I was born (yes, Pops was a G)! So, this man knows my family well.  So for him to "come for me" was a total surprise! Not to mention that I work a GOVERNMENT job, and here he is, accusing me of passing counterfeit money! Out of respect, I didn't curse him, as much as I wanted to, but I did calmly explain to him that
the day that he claims I passed him a fake $100 (to make change), I was in another county, saying farewell to one of my BEST friends, who was being removed from life support.  But because the young woman had a similar build to mine, and drove the same car, he said that it was me. Needless to say, about a week or so later, the story on the front page of the paper was of a couple going around passing counterfeit $100s, and neither of them were my boyfriend (at the time), or myself.  Now, did this man come back and apologize to me? Hell no.  Did he send an apology via my mom or ANYONE else? Hell no.  So, believe me, when the old man kicked dirt, I was still holding one helluva grudge!

Me, staring at the funeral procession from the old man's home, still mad! lol!
#PettyDotCom

Have you ever had, or are still holding a grudge against someone? Why?
#WeGottaTalk

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Relationship Tug of War--When Do You Let Go?


Women are an emotional breed. Generally, our actions are dictated by our emotions.  Thankfully, we also have common sense to guide us, as our emotions often lend themselves to us making some downright stupid mistakes.  But what happens when we allow our emotions to cloud our judgement, to overshadow the most basic instinct that any woman should possess, which is to protect herself and her children at all costs? What happens then? Why do we, as women, allow ourselves to participate in what, in effect, amounts to a three-ring circus with a man that refuses to be loyal to us? When you are pulling for your man in the tug-of-war of love, and the side chick is pulling in the other direction, when do you let go?

Let's get this out of the way. If you are the type of chick that will tell a man that "you have to choose", then you definitely need to continue reading!  I hate to hear a woman use that phrase: "you have to choose", or "why does he do this to me?" Why do we give men that power? Why is it that we want for HIM to choose us? When we give men this authority, then we are giving them power over us. They know that they have our hearts in the palms of their hands, and they are free to toy with, squish, and otherwise maim it in anyway possible. And by giving them that power over our lives, they know that we are unwilling to let go. This is why we want them to choose, because we allow ourselves to feel powerless in situations where we should feel powerful.  The Bible says that a  MAN that finds a WIFE finds a good thing.  Do you understand the power that God gives woman in that simple phrase?  A woman is a prize! She is worthy of respect, and by giving our power to a man, we only disrespect ourselves...

Which brings me to my next point. It's ALL ABOUT RESPECT. If YOU don't respect you, then don't expect for HIM to respect you. However, it's important to understand that a woman should be RESPECTABLE! If you are in the club every weekend with a bottle in your mouth, yelling "turn up", and otherwise being RATCHET, then you aren't exhibiting behaviors of a woman that deserves respect.  But even the most respectable women run into some disrespectful men, and I don't care how long you've supported him, how long you've "had his back", no matter how many babies you have by him, it comes down to this: He either respects you, or he doesn't. And if he can not respect you as his lover, his friend, his confident, his child's mother, than you can't MAKE him do it.  If he refuses to give you the respect that you rightfully deserve, then MOVE AROUND! Screw it, because this old adage is true: A man will only do what a woman LET'S him do.  If your man treats you like dirt, tell homie to eat rocks! Nothing gets a man's respect like saying "F... You", and meaning it. Nothing moves a man to action more quickly than knowing that his woman has moved on WITHOUT HIM.  If he really loves you, he will do what it takes to be the man in your life. If he doesn't, then he wasn't sh** , anyway, and you are better off without him!

How can I say this? Because I have been through it! My husband and I were back and forth, off and on, for years. And it probably would have stayed that way, if I didn't put my foot down.  I remember one evening, we had a little rendezvous, and afterward, this fool felt that he was ballsy enough to tell me that he had a new girlfriend. Huh, do what, now? Whatchu just say? At that point, I knew that I had enough. I didn't curse him out. Nope, not at all. However, I remember telling him that when he walked out of my front door, he would not be walking back through it. He thought that I was playing, but I was oh, so serious.  At that time, we had one child together.  After he walked out my front door, I kept my word. There were no "booty calls". There was no coming over to see the kid. Hell, you want him, come and pick him up or I can drop him off--I don't need you being under me! If it had nothing to do with our child, then we had no conversation. Why should we? Friends would have treated one another better than he treated me, so I didn't see the need for unnecessary conversation. He did his thing, and I did mine.  I took a vacation, and took that opportunity to renew myself.  I came back home with my son, happy and refreshed, because I had begun to reevalute my life. I realized that it wasn't him that was making me unhappy; I had more unresolved issues that I needed to contend with. But allowing him to come in and out of my life wasn't lending itself to making me happy, either, so I truly let go. I dealt with my issues, and allowed him to live the life that he wanted to live, and then...

He realized that once he had what he wanted, he didn't want what he had.  He realized that what he had was a young girl, and what he needed was a woman. And I was that woman.  I was strong, independent, and I had his back at all times. I loved his children from his previous relationships, and what shocked him was that even when we were no longer together, his children still loved and confided in me. I was truly his "ride-or-die chick". But I had to let him go, allow him to live "in that moment", so that he could see what was really right before him all along.  I did not want to force what I wanted as my "reality" to be his "reality". After almost a year, I received a call late one night. I had no idea who it could be; the number wasn't familiar to me (he would still see his child, however, conversation between us was very limited). "Hello" I answered. "Hey" was his response, followed by "do you mind if I call, just to talk?" Now looky there...I took that power away from him when I stood by my word!  The choice was not his, it was all mine! We talked for quite awhile, and when met to talk face-to-face again, I was looking at a completely different person. He didn't just look at me, but he SAW me. He respected me. He LOVED me. He LISTENED to me. And I could tell the difference, and it wasn't because of anything he said or did. When a person's heart truly changes, you can see the difference illuminating them from within. Even when I spoke, he hung on every word. Even the way that he touched me, the way that he held me, everything was different. He was a different man, not because he HAD to be, but because he wanted to be a BETTER man. And that's what he did. We've been married now almost 4 years.

When you've given it your all, and your all just isn't enough, then it's time to let go. Stop giving him power over you! You deserve better in this life, but it's up to you to seek out your "better".  Live your life being the best person that you can be, and the rest will fall into place.  We have to stop chasing men that don't want to be caught, loving men that can't love us, respecting men that find joy in disrespecting us. Life is TOO SHORT! Slowly inhale. Exhale. Then. Just. Let. Go...

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Does the Govt Promote Reliance and Abuse of Welfare System?

Although the United States government has made some efforts in regulating welfare abuse, such as the Welfare Reform Act of 1996, and current attempts to reform the welfare system [Rep. Doug Reichley (R-Lehigh/Berks)], the government has a long way to go when it comes to truly reforming the system that many individuals have come to rely on as a way of life.  Many people look at the welfare system as a lifestyle, and this outlook is usually generational within families.  The use and abuse of the welfare system is usually promoted within communities, although increasing numbers of individuals are maximizing the true benefit of welfare, which is to provide a sort of ‘stepping stone” towards self-sufficiency. This leads one to wonder, why is this unhealthy reliance on welfare allowed to persist? Well, after personally witnessing many instances of abuse and misuse of the welfare system, my question is this: does our government promote the abuse and misuse of the welfare system? I think so.
 
Now, when I speak of an “unhealthy reliance on welfare”, I am not speaking of every individual that receives welfare assistance, whether it be for housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc. At some point in most of our lives, we have needed help from someone. Many of us have sought assistance from an outside agency for bills, food, clothing, and shelter, to name a few. For those of us who haven’t, its usually because we feel, maybe even know, that we would be ineligible to receive benefits, even though those benefits could desperately be used. There are those that are elderly, or disabled, whose basic existence derives from some type of benefit from a government agency (housing or food stamps, for example). There are the families that have suffered a loss of employment or a death in the family, which caused otherwise working families to suddenly need help. These types of situations, and many more, are understandable. It is also one reason that the welfare system exists, in the first place. According to Welfare Information, “welfare in the United States commonly refers to the federal government welfare programs that have been put in place to assist the unemployed or underemployed. Help is extended to the poor through a variety of government welfare programs that include Medicaid, the Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) Program, and Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) “The History of Welfare”.  So why is a system, set into place to help and assist families in need, become so abused and defrauded? Well, rules put into place by various government agencies allow, passively encouraging, some of the abuses that it is victim to.

One reason for such defrauding of the welfare system is miseducation. Many people do not understand the rules, even benefits, of the particular welfare agency from which they are seeking assistance, and feel compelled to “cheat the system” in order to receive benefits. For example, many people believe that you can only get housing assistance or food stamps if you are a single mother. This is not true. The welfare system was not put into place to separate famlilies, rather, it wants to maintain the integrity of the family, by allowing the family to remain a single unit, while promoting self-sufficiency. The husband, fiancee, even boyfriend can be a part of the household. The male head-of-household’s income (or lack of) is included in the eligibility calculations of the household, and if the family is eligible, the family can receive assistance. Yet, throughout communities, the myth is perpetuated that you cannot have a man living with you. When you think about it, that would be ridiculous of the government to promote the disintegration of the family, by excluding a husband, boyfriend, etc. Often, it is the male, even if the female head-of-household does not work, that has earned income. By being a part of the household, his income is counted towards that of the family, and the family receives less benefits, essentially reducing costs for state and federal governments. This is particulary beneficial when families participate in programs such as the Department of Housing and Urban Development’s Family Self-Sufficiency Program. Education of “the system” is one way to reduce fraud. Without education, and especially the provision for funding for education of welfare and its benefits, and also of the penalties for its abuse, the government is perpetuating miseducation, and therefore, misuse, of the welfare system.

There are also many programs that aim to educate recipients, promoting job training, secondary education, and ultimately, employment. These programs have shown to be effective in reducing the number of individuals that rely on welfare as their sole source of income. However, these programs would be more effective if they were supported by legislation that made, for those non-elderly, non-disable individuals, participation mandatory. It is not enough to simply reduce benefits for people who choose not to participate in job training or job search. People must be forced to be responsible for their own families, and this can only be done by eliminating benefits to individuals who choose not to benefit in the self-sufficiency programs of agencies. Only then will our government see truly effective reductions in dependence on welfare systems.

Welfare abuse is also cultural and  generational. Its abuse is often applauded. It is not uncommon to know of the grandmother, mother, daughter, and granddaughters of any one family to all be recipients of welfare. It’s almost a “monkey see, monkey do” syndrome. The use of welfare, in and of itself, is not the problem. It is a person’s persistence to remain on welfare, not trying to better themselves through education or employment, that is the problem. These individuals do not seek employment, often bragging about their lack of job experience. All the while this lifestyle is being promoted, there are children growing up in these households, unintentionally and unknowlingly, learning how to exploit “the system”. They see one or both parents not working, and they are not teaching their children any other way of life. They are not encouraging education, or teaching their children how important it is to try to be self-sufficient. “Back in the day”, even the most undeducated parents instilled in their children: “I just want you to be better than me/have more than I had/get a better education.” Now days, many parents just don’t care. They rely on the system, and they see nothing wrong with it, and they are teaching that to their children, whether they know it or not. This causes a generational, and also cultural, dependence on welfare. Again, education is key, but this can only be effective with stiffer penalties for failure to participate, and also stiffer penalties for abuse.

The government encourages dependence on welfare by passing legislation that allows individuals to receive assistance that should otherwise be ineligible, and by also increasing benefits instead of providing a threshold, even reducing benefits, when it is obvious that the assistance is being abused. For instance, the Department of HUD has a regulation that says that if a person is under 21, is in a secondary school of education, has no children, is not elderly, or disabled, they are not eligible to receive housing assistance, unless their parents are income eligible. Now, I’m sure the Department of HUD had some reasonable explanation for passing such legislation, but when you look at this rule, what is HUD really saying? A young woman that has decided to defer having children in order to pursue a college education, is not eligible to receive assistance, while  a young woman who decides not to work, who may or may not have children, that is not pursuing an education, is eligible? Let’s not forget the baby daddies! There are young men, able-bodied, and intelligent enough to maintain steady employment, that choose not to work or pursue an education, but they are receiving housing and food stamps. Their only job: reproducing. As they say in the social networking world: SMH.

Increasing benefits as a reward for uncontrolled reproduction also encourages abuse and misuse of the welfare system. Many of us know people that are receiving upwards of $800 or $900 or more, each month, for food stamps, which are supposed to be to feed their families. Many families, although already dependent on the system, continue to have more children because benefits from some agencies will increase, like food stamps. Why should the taxpayers reward such behavior? Me and my husband’s finances are already strained, and we only have two children. I knew that having any more children would be more of a strain, and decided that it would not be feasible to have any more children. I made the responsible decision to have a tubal ligation. Yes, that was my decision, but it is one that I feel was financially responsible. We have to encourage financial responsibility in families in order to reduce dependence on welfare, and stop promoting and encouraging long-term, continued dependence on welfare.

Some agencies allow the use of  “collateral statements” or “statements of contributions.” These statements are provided for individuals that are claiming to have income, recieved from being personally assisted by private individuals. Well, this is perfectly fine in instances where the support is actually being provided. Look at this situation: a mother receiving Social Security Disability in the amount of $674 per month provides a “contributions statement” to her daughter, stating that she provides her child $350 in financial support. She provides the statement so that her daughter can meet the income guidelines to receive welfare assistance from a particular welfare agency. Both mother and daughter receive food stamps. Now, even the dumbest individual can see that this must be a lie. However, there is no system to tie the various welfare agencies together, so that they can cross check one another, and these statements are allowed to be used. Therefore, someone who would not be eligible to receive assistance, is able to be assisted because of the use of a bold-faced lie. This is further evidence of the government promoting dependence and abuse of welfare.

In order to make a change in how welfare is promoted and used, and to make a drastic reduction in abuse and misuse of welfare, we must push for education of welfare, and support stronger laws and welfare reform. Without stronger, more logical rules and regulation governing the receipt of welfare benefits, the government must shoulder as much of the responsibility for the pathetic state of the United States welfare system, as the ones that abuse it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

LHHNY: Breaking News! Tara Won!

First of all, riddle me this:  Who in the hell vies for the position of eternal side chick? I know, I know!!!!!!! You, Tara Wallace! Now, come on down, and get your prize! For being a sidechick to Peter "One Hit Wonda" Gunz for almost 20 years, holding him down while he even married another woman, and continuing to breed with "Dutty Foot" Gunz, you've won the grand prize of....

Nothing.  You've got Peter Gunz and that amounts to...not a damn thing. You do have another baby on the way, though, so congratulations on that, I guess??? *shrugs*

Seriously, though, seriously...I would laugh at this situation between Tara, Amina, and Peter, but it is so pathetic that it's really not funny.  The fact that we (women) have adopted this disorganized, dysfunctional relationship as the status quo, but call loving, respectful relationships "crazy" or "fake"---as if we really don't believe that real love exists, and think that these sort of dysfunctional relationships with unfaithful men is the best that we can ever hope to obtain. No. I rebuke it!

Tara was Peter's sidechick when she first met him.  After 13 years with him, all she had was 2 kids, some memories, and no ring.  What does Gunz do for her? He marries ANOTHER woman! Still not enough for Tara, though, as she reverts back to being the sidechick.  Sadly, she's trying to prove to Amina that she's top bitch in this threesome, but again, Who in the hell vies for the position of eternal side chick? 

Then, in a little subtweet beef last night on twitter, Tara subtweeted Amina:
Whoa.... Tara, YOU weren't married to Peter.  Remember, he bypassed you and married Amina. So when Amina married him, he was technically "single". But you got pregnant by a married man, so... (I must admit, this tweet made me laugh. It was then that I knew that Tara is way beyond the help that Dr. Jeff can provide!)

Then, there's this:
Why is she so concerned about WHY Amina married Peter? Why he married her should never be an issue; the fact that he married another woman while Tara was waiting patiently on the sidelines for 13 YEARS is what should get her panties in a bunch.  Tara will never let Peter go--he doesn't even have to make his own excuses, because she does it for him.

I know that Tara is not the only fool out there.  I've played myself before, and I'm sure that many of you have as well.  However, we are not living our lives out on a national stage.  I hope that those checks Mona Scott-Young are cutting to Tara and Amina (especially Tara) are sweeeeeeeet, I mean some fatties, because you'd have to pay me pretty damn good to make a fool of myself in front of the world. 

Word to Amina--Sista, cut your losses! Tara won this one, and you should be glad, because her prize is a gargantuan-sized ZERO! Besides, holding on to Mr. Wrong will only block your Mr. Right!  Tara and Peter deserve each other.  Stop fighting a battle that you will never win. Hell, at least you have a real talent. Use it, and prosper. (SN:  I wonder who Peter will impregnate next? I guess we'll see next season!)

Peace!
#WeGottaTalk
 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Why Keep Having Babies When There's Birth Control?

I have a serious question: Why do women continue to have children that they know that they can not afford to raise, when most likely, they can get birth control for little or nothing? (If you can afford them, by all means, do you!)

Now, I'm not trying to shade anybody, but, hell, it is what it is.  I work in an office where we assist low-income families, and often times I wonder when these young women come into the office with 6, 7, even 9 kids, baby daddies no where to be found: Wouldn't it just be easier to get birth control? Why not get a tubal ligation (tubes tied)? Of course, I can't ask them that, so I just continue to do my job, unbiased.  Regardless of how I feel or what I think, my job is my job, and I don't mistreat anyone based on my personal ideals.

For instance, one young woman that I am familiar with has 8 children, and she's not even 30!  She's never had a job, has no high school diploma, and no car.  The state pays for housing (HUD), the state pays for medical insurance (Medicaid), the state pays for food (Food Stamps).  It just seems that somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, something would kick in and say "I can't afford all these damn babies.  Hell, I can barely keep the utilities on. Let me get my tubes tied/get on birth control."  A lot of people feel that individuals that receive welfare continue to have children to receive increased benefits.  That may be the case for some, but for most, I don't believe that is the motivation at all. I also understand that birth controls sometimes fail, but not 7 or 8 times!

I understand that everyone was not born and raised under the same set of circumstances.  Please don't believe that I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Far from it! But I have learned that one can not prosper if they choose to play the role of victim, allowing life to just "happen", without understanding that we play a critical part in the decisions that affect us, and our decisions affect how life "happens" to us. We can not continue to blame society for all of our ills, as if we have absolutely no power over our life situations.  If we choose to remain "victims", then that's our choice, but why victimize our children? Our children are conceived and born by no fault of their own.  If we choose to live a sub-standard lifestyle, and birth control is readily available, then why choose that same sub-standard set of living conditions for our children?  I somewhat understand the first child, maybe the second, but when it comes to 3, 4, 5 children, and you have still done nothing to improve your life situation--I just don't get it. Men are just as responsible for this societal ill, but here's the thing: Momma's baby, Daddy's maybe. Daddy MAY or MAY not be there to help raise the youngn, but it's a full time responsibility for the mother, regardless. So we must protect ourselves!

I know that there are probably some serious psychological factors that I'm not taking into consideration. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that sometimes, we just make shit too deep.  Simply put, it doesn't take a psychologist to tell you that you ain't got sh**, so it would be wise to stop bringing babies into your effed up situation.  Sooner or later, we have to learn to take responsibility for our own lives, our own condition.  No one owes you ANYTHING! We owe it to ourselves, and to our children. Know better, do better!

Let's Talk About It
#WeGottaTalk
 

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Ladies, it's YOUR fault! Stop Getting Pregnant!

Yall need to cut that mess out! Out here getting pregnant, and it's all YOUR fault! Yes, YOUR fault! You provided the sperm YOURself, you laid down by YOURself, inseminated YOURself, and got pregnant, all by YOUR lonely self! So getting pregnant is YOUR fault!

Yeah, right! GTFOH with all that...

Lately, we've been inundated with reports of Fetty Wap blaming Masika Kalysha for getting pregnant, accusing her of trying to "trap him". Now, isn't that ironic? Imagine that... He allegedly told her that because she didn't believe in abortion (he wanted her to have one), she must not believe in protection, either. Huh?

Then, there's Beyonce's pappy, Matthew Knowles, who has been forced by the courts to provide to provide medical insurance, back child support, and current child support to one of the children that he conceived outside of his marriage to Mama Knowles.  He blames his baby's mother, stating that she should have had an abortion, which he claims he gave her over $200K as hush money, in hopes that she would do. According to many on social media, she should take care of the baby on her own, because she knew he was married when she slept with him. Please!!!!!!

We don't have to look to the stars. We all know some ignorant kneegrow that claims that any child conceived that he didn't want, is no fault of his.  How does one even come to this conclusion?

When a man and a woman consent to sleep with one another, if a child is conceived of that union, then both parents are to blame.  Fetty Wap has a song called "Trap Queen". You mean to tell me he knows about cooking dope, but not how to NOT get caught up by a "trap queen"? So, he's really dumb enough to believe that any woman that says she is on birth control, actually IS on birth control? And even if she were, what if she had HIV? Birth control doesn't prevent a person from contracting STDs.  The sooner we learn that, the better.

It doesn't matter the circumstances under which a child was conceived (unless a rape was involved--different story).  If a woman knows a man is married, it is not her responsibility to protect him.  It's his responsibility, both to himself, and to his spouse.  He has as much responsibility for conceiving that child as the woman that he conceived it with, and all the responsibility that comes with the birthing and raising of said child.  So all that other mess, it's a moot point. Let's stop blaming the women for something that they can not, and did not, do on their own.

And women, we must do better at choosing who we allow to permeate our walls of trust, becoming "baby mamas" for men that don't love us enough to respect you as their child's mother. Men that call us out of our names, accuse us of "trapping them", fail to play a part of their child's life, physically, mentally, and financially (without the force of the courts). We must make better choices. We have to--our kids are depending on us. 

"Stop blaming others for their part, and start taking responsibility for the part YOU played"--Jerry Corstens


#WeGottaTalk
 

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Get You a "R.A.M." in the Bush!

Are you familiar with the biblical story of the "Ram in the Bush"?  If not, feel free to educate yourself.  This is not Bible study, so the R.A.M in the bush that I'm speaking of is a totally different kind of ram...

Today's lesson, boys and girls, is about having a different kind of "R.A.M. in the bush".  What is a R.A.M., you ask? A R.A.M. is someone that would NOT have allowed Chris Brown to be photographed doing this: 

 
A R.A.M in their camp would have told BBOD that their song "Thot-Thot-Talicious"  was a hot damn mess, and that the only thing worse than the title, were the damn lyrics.
 
A "R.A.M in the bush" wouldn't have Tara (#LHHNY) outchea looking like a damn fool, arguing over who deserves the title of dumbest sidechick.  



A "R.A.M", my friends, is an acronym, short for a "Real A** Mutha*****", and if you don't have one in  your life, get you one, quickly!

See, a R.A.M. would have told Chris Brown, before he was all on Instagram threatening anyone that happened to even share the same air space as Karrueche "Eh, man.  Chill out with that sh**. These ninjas gotchu outchea lookin' stupid as hell. Stop actin' like a bitch."

A R.A.M would have told Tara that she looks hella stupid competing for the affections of a man that she has "sidechicked" for, for almost 15 years.  She was the sidechick when he met her, he married Amina instead of her, and she's STILL his sidechick! And she keeps making babies with this dude! All the "peter" in New York (if you're from the south, you know "peter" is "penis"), and they are still fighting over Peter Gunz? If she had a Real Azz Mutha***** on her side...maybe we'd be seeing a different Tara. A R.A.M. doesn't sugar coat a damn thing! In the words of my mother, they tell it like it T-I-S! Like it or not! Tara needs a R.A.M in her life!

I have a R.A.M. (I had 2, but one died several years ago, may she RIP). I love my R.A.M., my Nikki, to def! She's been a friend of mine since high school, and she's one of the realest chicks I know. If I ever need advice about anything, and I want to be told the honest, sometimes brutal truth, that's who I call.  Too many times we surround ourselves with "yes people", people that co-sign our bull****; they tell us what we want to hear because it is advantageous to them.  It may be because they fear losing the friendship, or sometimes, the friendship is financially beneficial, like with these celebrities.  I mean, it never should have taken sooooooo long to tell the Queen of Soul that her tig-ol-bitties were toooooo damn long for her to be wearing all those strapless dresses she was wrapping herself in.  Guess she finally got a R.A.M in the bush, too, huh?

We all need a R.A.M on our side, during those times when we are about to do some questionable ish... A R.A.M doesn't tell you what you want to hear; they tell you what you need to hear! Do you have a R.A.M in the bush?


#WeGottaTalk
 

Monday, January 4, 2016

Future Wages War on Cici!!!

Ciara vs Future

courtesy rapup.com

Future has his guns out for Ciara, aka Cici, and he's comin' a'blazin! He claims that he is paying $15,000 monthly for child support, but Ciara won't let him see his son. Then comes the collective judgment of instagram and twitter... *sigh*

Ok, let's go ahead and put it out there...

NONE OF US WERE THERE, SO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

You have men on twitter, butt-hurt and all in their feelings, because of whatever past or present baby-momma situations they have going on, calling Ciara everything but a child of God.  Some of these females are going hard (and I feel you), but we honestly have to admit, like the men: We don't know what's going on behind closed doors. How can we honestly judge Future and Ciara's situation, if we are not privy to the ins-and-outs of their parental relationship? #1. We can't. #2. It's not our job to judge, although the way that we go in on these celebrity relationships, you would think that we get W-2's for criticizing.

All we do know is this: 1. Future has many baby-mommas, including Ciara. 2. Ciara has dated other rappers, but has no other children. 3. Ciara loved Future. 4. Something happened (infidelity, allegedly) and their engagement was broken off. 5. They have a handsome little boy that they call "Baby Future". 6. Ciara has moved on. 7. Future enjoys bashing Ciara in the media (and tends to act like a bitter baby-daddy; I'm not judging, but I can be a little biased, though). 8.  Future alleges that he pays $15K per month in child support, but is not allowed to see his child. 

If Ciara really isn't allowing Future to see his son, I hope that she has a valid reason to support that decision.  I do know that Future calling Ciara a "bitch" on social media is not going to help his case, whatsoever. Yet, I am not the one that she has to explain it to, so instead of judging their situation, let's learn something from it. Because, trust and believe, whatever they are going through, they are doing it quite better than most of us. A lot of you don't even know the state that your baby-daddy resides in...so you really don't have the place to talk about Ciara. Too many of you guys don't know when you even saw your children last, so you definitely don't have room to talk about Future. For those mothers and fathers that are doing it right, I salute you!

Let's just agree to this: Let's hope that Future takes a cue from Ciara, and learns how to handle things as a grown man, and not a child throwing a tantrum. I hope that they are able to work out their differences for Baby Future, because if not, Baby Future will suffer most from this chaotic situation, much more than his parents.

#WeGottaTalk