Amina, Tara, & Peter (Chapter One Hundred Fifty Million)

Ok. Let me just say this. This will be the LAST time that I post about the highly dysfunctional, three-way relationship that is #LHHNY's Amina, Tara, and Peter. To be honest, the back and forth between all of them is starting to wear on my nerves, and well...I. Just. Can't.

One thing that has struck a nerve with me, though, is the statement that Peter made on the last episode (I believe). He took all the blame for the hurt that he has inflicted on Tara and Amina. Even though Peter does shoulder most of the blame for this situation in which he most certainly is the common denominator, cheating and impregnating another woman while married, there is someone else that should shoulder as much blame as him, and that is Tara.

We go so hard on Amina. Although Amina has accepted much more abhorrent, disgusting behavior from Peter than I ever could, I almost can see Amina's...I don't want to say "logic"...let's just say "motivation", for allowing herself to become pregnant by Peter (even though she aborted THIS child, it is widely reported that she is pregnant again). We may call her "stupid", but what we have to understand is that at the end of the day, this is her HUSBAND. Not her "sided***", not her "bae", this is her husband. Biblically, loving, supporting, and PROCREATING with her husband is what she is supposed to do. Amina married Peter because she LOVED him, and she is trying to make her marriage work. Now, I know that by now, I would have left Peter, or slit his damn throat, whichever came first, but I still understand that she loves her husband. That's her motivation. But that damn Tara...

Tara pretends to be this super confident, strong black woman, but nothing, and I mean NADA--none of her actions personify this independent sister that she wants for us to see. Tara is the key, the "tie that binds", mind you, that keeps this whole mess going. Let me break this down for you young sistas (older, like Tara, if you don't know already): In a relationship, a man is only going to do what a woman allows him to do. If Tara wasn't welcoming Peter with open arms, willing to spread her legs at his beck and call, then she wouldn't be a single mother of almost 3. When I was going thru it with one of my boyfriends, when he wanted to see his son, he came and picked him up; if my son wanted to see him, I took him to his dad. You can't sit around under me...we don't have to be around each other for you to be a father to your son. That's how you handle that. Peter didn't just fall in the p****; Tara threw him a rope and pulled him in! You can't move into the same building with your kids' father, knowing you still have feelings for him, but claiming it's for the kids. No, bitch, it's for YOU! Do you think I would have moved into an apartment building with my children's father, and he's married to another woman? Hell no! Tara did it because she still wants Peter. Eh, Tara, if you like it I love it, but you're still a damn fool!

 Tara had the nerve to tell Amina that Amina wants her life and that's why she allowed herself to become pregnant. Now, damn, Tara. She wants YOUR life? Really? And what life is that? Peter has children with four other women, so...what life are you speaking of? The life of a single mother? Not hard to get that. The life of a woman that KNOWINGLY gets pregnant by another woman's husband, thinking she's proving a point, but only making herself look ridiculous? The life of a woman that that was Peter's girlfriend for 13 years, but couldn't get a ring? What life does she want, Tara? Enlighten me, because I am seriously confused. Amina slept with, and became pregnant by her husband, because that's what most wives do. If she's using a baby to hold on to Peter, what's your excuse? Isn't that why you waited until you were 18 weeks to reveal...Peter couldn't ask for an abortion then, and you know that he would. No, Amina's not thirsty, but you're dying of dehydration! And when did the wife have to start asking for permission from the sidechick to get pregnant by her own husband? I don't see why Tara doesn't see the logic in this.

But what's funny is...Tara has the nerve to act indignant. As if she really has a place to be mad in this situation. There wouldn't BE a situation if it weren't for Tara. I almost sympathize with her, though. You have to be a sad person, devoid of self-worth, to compete for a trophy that isn't worth winning. She's a beautiful, smart woman, and hopefully reality will set in, because this... Tara could have shut this sh** down a long time ago, if she loved herself more that she loved Peter. If she were really "doing this for the kids", then she wouldn't be in this baseline, ghetto relationship that is her, Amina, and Peter. I could go on, but long story short, I'm sick and damn tired of seeing this bullsh** that is these three. Can #LHHNY come up with another story line for these three...please?

They say love is blind...they didn't say it was deaf, dumb, and retarded, too. *sigh*

#WeGottaTalk
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Relationship Tug of War--When Do You Let Go?

Women are an emotional breed. Generally, our actions are dictated by our emotions.  Thankfully, we also have common sense to guide us, as our emotions often lend themselves to us making some downright stupid mistakes.  But what happens when we allow our emotions to cloud our judgement, to overshadow the most basic instinct that any woman should possess, which is to protect herself and her children at all costs? What happens then? Why do we, as women, allow ourselves to participate in what, in effect, amounts to a three-ring circus with a man that refuses to be loyal to us? When you are pulling for your man in the tug-of-war of love, and the side chick is pulling in the other direction, when do you let go?

Let's get this out of the way. If you are the type of chick that will tell a man that "you have to choose", then you definitely need to continue reading!  I hate to hear a woman use that phrase: "you have to choose", or "why does he do this to me?" Why do we give men that power? Why is it that we want for HIM to choose us? When we give men this authority, then we are giving them power over us. They know that they have our hearts in the palms of their hands, and they are free to toy with, squish, and otherwise maim it in anyway possible. And by giving them that power over our lives, they know that we are unwilling to let go. This is why we want them to choose, because we allow ourselves to feel powerless in situations where we should feel powerful.  The Bible says that a  MAN that finds a WIFE finds a good thing.  Do you understand the power that God gives woman in that simple phrase?  A woman is a prize! She is worthy of respect, and by giving our power to a man, we only disrespect ourselves...

Which brings me to my next point. It's ALL ABOUT RESPECT. If YOU don't respect you, then don't expect for HIM to respect you. However, it's important to understand that a woman should be RESPECTABLE! If you are in the club every weekend with a bottle in your mouth, yelling "turn up", and otherwise being RATCHET, then you aren't exhibiting behaviors of a woman that deserves respect.  But even the most respectable women run into some disrespectful men, and I don't care how long you've supported him, how long you've "had his back", no matter how many babies you have by him, it comes down to this: He either respects you, or he doesn't. And if he can not respect you as his lover, his friend, his confident, his child's mother, than you can't MAKE him do it.  If he refuses to give you the respect that you rightfully deserve, then MOVE AROUND! Screw it, because this old adage is true: A man will only do what a woman LET'S him do.  If your man treats you like dirt, tell homie to eat rocks! Nothing gets a man's respect like saying "F... You", and meaning it. Nothing moves a man to action more quickly than knowing that his woman has moved on WITHOUT HIM.  If he really loves you, he will do what it takes to be the man in your life. If he doesn't, then he wasn't sh** , anyway, and you are better off without him!

How can I say this? Because I have been through it! My husband and I were back and forth, off and on, for years. And it probably would have stayed that way, if I didn't put my foot down.  I remember one evening, we had a little rendezvous, and afterward, this fool felt that he was ballsy enough to tell me that he had a new girlfriend. Huh, do what, now? Whatchu just say? At that point, I knew that I had enough. I didn't curse him out. Nope, not at all. However, I remember telling him that when he walked out of my front door, he would not be walking back through it. He thought that I was playing, but I was oh, so serious.  At that time, we had one child together.  After he walked out my front door, I kept my word. There were no "booty calls". There was no coming over to see the kid. Hell, you want him, come and pick him up or I can drop him off--I don't need you being under me! If it had nothing to do with our child, then we had no conversation. Why should we? Friends would have treated one another better than he treated me, so I didn't see the need for unnecessary conversation. He did his thing, and I did mine.  I took a vacation, and took that opportunity to renew myself.  I came back home with my son, happy and refreshed, because I had begun to reevalute my life. I realized that it wasn't him that was making me unhappy; I had more unresolved issues that I needed to contend with. But allowing him to come in and out of my life wasn't lending itself to making me happy, either, so I truly let go. I dealt with my issues, and allowed him to live the life that he wanted to live, and then...

He realized that once he had what he wanted, he didn't want what he had.  He realized that what he had was a young girl, and what he needed was a woman. And I was that woman.  I was strong, independent, and I had his back at all times. I loved his children from his previous relationships, and what shocked him was that even when we were no longer together, his children still loved and confided in me. I was truly his "ride-or-die chick". But I had to let him go, allow him to live "in that moment", so that he could see what was really right before him all along.  I did not want to force what I wanted as my "reality" to be his "reality". After almost a year, I received a call late one night. I had no idea who it could be; the number wasn't familiar to me (he would still see his child, however, conversation between us was very limited). "Hello" I answered. "Hey" was his response, followed by "do you mind if I call, just to talk?" Now looky there...I took that power away from him when I stood by my word!  The choice was not his, it was all mine! We talked for quite awhile, and when met to talk face-to-face again, I was looking at a completely different person. He didn't just look at me, but he SAW me. He respected me. He LOVED me. He LISTENED to me. And I could tell the difference, and it wasn't because of anything he said or did. When a person's heart truly changes, you can see the difference illuminating them from within. Even when I spoke, he hung on every word. Even the way that he touched me, the way that he held me, everything was different. He was a different man, not because he HAD to be, but because he wanted to be a BETTER man. And that's what he did. We've been married now almost 4 years.

When you've given it your all, and your all just isn't enough, then it's time to let go. Stop giving him power over you! You deserve better in this life, but it's up to you to seek out your "better".  Live your life being the best person that you can be, and the rest will fall into place.  We have to stop chasing men that don't want to be caught, loving men that can't love us, respecting men that find joy in disrespecting us. Life is TOO SHORT! Slowly inhale. Exhale. Then. Just. Let. Go...