Amina, Tara, & Peter (Chapter One Hundred Fifty Million)

Ok. Let me just say this. This will be the LAST time that I post about the highly dysfunctional, three-way relationship that is #LHHNY's Amina, Tara, and Peter. To be honest, the back and forth between all of them is starting to wear on my nerves, and well...I. Just. Can't.

One thing that has struck a nerve with me, though, is the statement that Peter made on the last episode (I believe). He took all the blame for the hurt that he has inflicted on Tara and Amina. Even though Peter does shoulder most of the blame for this situation in which he most certainly is the common denominator, cheating and impregnating another woman while married, there is someone else that should shoulder as much blame as him, and that is Tara.

We go so hard on Amina. Although Amina has accepted much more abhorrent, disgusting behavior from Peter than I ever could, I almost can see Amina's...I don't want to say "logic"...let's just say "motivation", for allowing herself to become pregnant by Peter (even though she aborted THIS child, it is widely reported that she is pregnant again). We may call her "stupid", but what we have to understand is that at the end of the day, this is her HUSBAND. Not her "sided***", not her "bae", this is her husband. Biblically, loving, supporting, and PROCREATING with her husband is what she is supposed to do. Amina married Peter because she LOVED him, and she is trying to make her marriage work. Now, I know that by now, I would have left Peter, or slit his damn throat, whichever came first, but I still understand that she loves her husband. That's her motivation. But that damn Tara...

Tara pretends to be this super confident, strong black woman, but nothing, and I mean NADA--none of her actions personify this independent sister that she wants for us to see. Tara is the key, the "tie that binds", mind you, that keeps this whole mess going. Let me break this down for you young sistas (older, like Tara, if you don't know already): In a relationship, a man is only going to do what a woman allows him to do. If Tara wasn't welcoming Peter with open arms, willing to spread her legs at his beck and call, then she wouldn't be a single mother of almost 3. When I was going thru it with one of my boyfriends, when he wanted to see his son, he came and picked him up; if my son wanted to see him, I took him to his dad. You can't sit around under me...we don't have to be around each other for you to be a father to your son. That's how you handle that. Peter didn't just fall in the p****; Tara threw him a rope and pulled him in! You can't move into the same building with your kids' father, knowing you still have feelings for him, but claiming it's for the kids. No, bitch, it's for YOU! Do you think I would have moved into an apartment building with my children's father, and he's married to another woman? Hell no! Tara did it because she still wants Peter. Eh, Tara, if you like it I love it, but you're still a damn fool!

 Tara had the nerve to tell Amina that Amina wants her life and that's why she allowed herself to become pregnant. Now, damn, Tara. She wants YOUR life? Really? And what life is that? Peter has children with four other women, so...what life are you speaking of? The life of a single mother? Not hard to get that. The life of a woman that KNOWINGLY gets pregnant by another woman's husband, thinking she's proving a point, but only making herself look ridiculous? The life of a woman that that was Peter's girlfriend for 13 years, but couldn't get a ring? What life does she want, Tara? Enlighten me, because I am seriously confused. Amina slept with, and became pregnant by her husband, because that's what most wives do. If she's using a baby to hold on to Peter, what's your excuse? Isn't that why you waited until you were 18 weeks to reveal...Peter couldn't ask for an abortion then, and you know that he would. No, Amina's not thirsty, but you're dying of dehydration! And when did the wife have to start asking for permission from the sidechick to get pregnant by her own husband? I don't see why Tara doesn't see the logic in this.

But what's funny is...Tara has the nerve to act indignant. As if she really has a place to be mad in this situation. There wouldn't BE a situation if it weren't for Tara. I almost sympathize with her, though. You have to be a sad person, devoid of self-worth, to compete for a trophy that isn't worth winning. She's a beautiful, smart woman, and hopefully reality will set in, because this... Tara could have shut this sh** down a long time ago, if she loved herself more that she loved Peter. If she were really "doing this for the kids", then she wouldn't be in this baseline, ghetto relationship that is her, Amina, and Peter. I could go on, but long story short, I'm sick and damn tired of seeing this bullsh** that is these three. Can #LHHNY come up with another story line for these three...please?

They say love is blind...they didn't say it was deaf, dumb, and retarded, too. *sigh*

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Why Keep Having Babies When There's Birth Control?

I have a serious question: Why do women continue to have children that they know that they can not afford to raise, when most likely, they can get birth control for little or nothing? (If you can afford them, by all means, do you!)

Now, I'm not trying to shade anybody, but, hell, it is what it is.  I work in an office where we assist low-income families, and often times I wonder when these young women come into the office with 6, 7, even 9 kids, baby daddies no where to be found: Wouldn't it just be easier to get birth control? Why not get a tubal ligation (tubes tied)? Of course, I can't ask them that, so I just continue to do my job, unbiased.  Regardless of how I feel or what I think, my job is my job, and I don't mistreat anyone based on my personal ideals.

For instance, one young woman that I am familiar with has 8 children, and she's not even 30!  She's never had a job, has no high school diploma, and no car.  The state pays for housing (HUD), the state pays for medical insurance (Medicaid), the state pays for food (Food Stamps).  It just seems that somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, something would kick in and say "I can't afford all these damn babies.  Hell, I can barely keep the utilities on. Let me get my tubes tied/get on birth control."  A lot of people feel that individuals that receive welfare continue to have children to receive increased benefits.  That may be the case for some, but for most, I don't believe that is the motivation at all. I also understand that birth controls sometimes fail, but not 7 or 8 times!

I understand that everyone was not born and raised under the same set of circumstances.  Please don't believe that I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Far from it! But I have learned that one can not prosper if they choose to play the role of victim, allowing life to just "happen", without understanding that we play a critical part in the decisions that affect us, and our decisions affect how life "happens" to us. We can not continue to blame society for all of our ills, as if we have absolutely no power over our life situations.  If we choose to remain "victims", then that's our choice, but why victimize our children? Our children are conceived and born by no fault of their own.  If we choose to live a sub-standard lifestyle, and birth control is readily available, then why choose that same sub-standard set of living conditions for our children?  I somewhat understand the first child, maybe the second, but when it comes to 3, 4, 5 children, and you have still done nothing to improve your life situation--I just don't get it. Men are just as responsible for this societal ill, but here's the thing: Momma's baby, Daddy's maybe. Daddy MAY or MAY not be there to help raise the youngn, but it's a full time responsibility for the mother, regardless. So we must protect ourselves!

I know that there are probably some serious psychological factors that I'm not taking into consideration. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that sometimes, we just make shit too deep.  Simply put, it doesn't take a psychologist to tell you that you ain't got sh**, so it would be wise to stop bringing babies into your effed up situation.  Sooner or later, we have to learn to take responsibility for our own lives, our own condition.  No one owes you ANYTHING! We owe it to ourselves, and to our children. Know better, do better!

Let's Talk About It
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Ladies, it's YOUR fault! Stop Getting Pregnant!

Yall need to cut that mess out! Out here getting pregnant, and it's all YOUR fault! Yes, YOUR fault! You provided the sperm YOURself, you laid down by YOURself, inseminated YOURself, and got pregnant, all by YOUR lonely self! So getting pregnant is YOUR fault!

Yeah, right! GTFOH with all that...

Lately, we've been inundated with reports of Fetty Wap blaming Masika Kalysha for getting pregnant, accusing her of trying to "trap him". Now, isn't that ironic? Imagine that... He allegedly told her that because she didn't believe in abortion (he wanted her to have one), she must not believe in protection, either. Huh?

Then, there's Beyonce's pappy, Matthew Knowles, who has been forced by the courts to provide to provide medical insurance, back child support, and current child support to one of the children that he conceived outside of his marriage to Mama Knowles.  He blames his baby's mother, stating that she should have had an abortion, which he claims he gave her over $200K as hush money, in hopes that she would do. According to many on social media, she should take care of the baby on her own, because she knew he was married when she slept with him. Please!!!!!!

We don't have to look to the stars. We all know some ignorant kneegrow that claims that any child conceived that he didn't want, is no fault of his.  How does one even come to this conclusion?

When a man and a woman consent to sleep with one another, if a child is conceived of that union, then both parents are to blame.  Fetty Wap has a song called "Trap Queen". You mean to tell me he knows about cooking dope, but not how to NOT get caught up by a "trap queen"? So, he's really dumb enough to believe that any woman that says she is on birth control, actually IS on birth control? And even if she were, what if she had HIV? Birth control doesn't prevent a person from contracting STDs.  The sooner we learn that, the better.

It doesn't matter the circumstances under which a child was conceived (unless a rape was involved--different story).  If a woman knows a man is married, it is not her responsibility to protect him.  It's his responsibility, both to himself, and to his spouse.  He has as much responsibility for conceiving that child as the woman that he conceived it with, and all the responsibility that comes with the birthing and raising of said child.  So all that other mess, it's a moot point. Let's stop blaming the women for something that they can not, and did not, do on their own.

And women, we must do better at choosing who we allow to permeate our walls of trust, becoming "baby mamas" for men that don't love us enough to respect you as their child's mother. Men that call us out of our names, accuse us of "trapping them", fail to play a part of their child's life, physically, mentally, and financially (without the force of the courts). We must make better choices. We have to--our kids are depending on us. 

"Stop blaming others for their part, and start taking responsibility for the part YOU played"--Jerry Corstens

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Get You a "R.A.M." in the Bush!

Are you familiar with the biblical story of the "Ram in the Bush"?  If not, feel free to educate yourself.  This is not Bible study, so the R.A.M in the bush that I'm speaking of is a totally different kind of ram...

Today's lesson, boys and girls, is about having a different kind of "R.A.M. in the bush".  What is a R.A.M., you ask? A R.A.M. is someone that would NOT have allowed Chris Brown to be photographed doing this: 

 

A R.A.M in their camp would have told BBOD that their song "Thot-Thot-Talicious"  was a hot damn mess, and that the only thing worse than the title, were the damn lyrics.

 

A "R.A.M in the bush" wouldn't have Tara (#LHHNY) outchea looking like a damn fool, arguing over who deserves the title of dumbest sidechick.  

A "R.A.M", my friends, is an acronym, short for a "Real A** Mutha*****", and if you don't have one in  your life, get you one, quickly!

See, a R.A.M. would have told Chris Brown, before he was all on Instagram threatening anyone that happened to even share the same air space as Karrueche "Eh, man.  Chill out with that sh**. These ninjas gotchu outchea lookin' stupid as hell. Stop actin' like a bitch."

A R.A.M would have told Tara that she looks hella stupid competing for the affections of a man that she has "sidechicked" for, for almost 15 years.  She was the sidechick when he met her, he married Amina instead of her, and she's STILL his sidechick! And she keeps making babies with this dude! All the "peter" in New York (if you're from the south, you know "peter" is "penis"), and they are still fighting over Peter Gunz? If she had a Real Azz Mutha***** on her side...maybe we'd be seeing a different Tara. A R.A.M. doesn't sugar coat a damn thing! In the words of my mother, they tell it like it T-I-S! Like it or not! Tara needs a R.A.M in her life!

I have a R.A.M. (I had 2, but one died several years ago, may she RIP). I love my R.A.M., my Nikki, to def! She's been a friend of mine since high school, and she's one of the realest chicks I know. If I ever need advice about anything, and I want to be told the honest, sometimes brutal truth, that's who I call.  Too many times we surround ourselves with "yes people", people that co-sign our bull****; they tell us what we want to hear because it is advantageous to them.  It may be because they fear losing the friendship, or sometimes, the friendship is financially beneficial, like with these celebrities.  I mean, it never should have taken sooooooo long to tell the Queen of Soul that her tig-ol-bitties were toooooo damn long for her to be wearing all those strapless dresses she was wrapping herself in.  Guess she finally got a R.A.M in the bush, too, huh?

We all need a R.A.M on our side, during those times when we are about to do some questionable ish... A R.A.M doesn't tell you what you want to hear; they tell you what you need to hear! Do you have a R.A.M in the bush?

Are You a R.A.M.? Get Your R.A.M T-shirt here! 

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