Why I'm Pissed at Cardi B

Cardi and her historic Grammy win via E! news

 I AM MAD AT YOU BELCALIS MARLENIS ALMANZAR CEPHUS!

On the same day that Cardi wins a Grammy, being the first solo female to win Best Rap Album in a genre and category dominated by men, her daughter Kulture finally says "momma", and then...and then...Cardi deletes her IG. And I am pissed. Thank you, social media trolls and bullies! 

First of all, I don't know why anyone goes out of there way to go to a  person's page that they don't like just to comment all that negativity and vitriol.  If I don't like you, why would I even go to your page?  Folks go all out of their way to comment from outside a club that they can't even get in.  For whyyyyyyyy???  Cardi B has deleted her page because of social media bullying, particularly, people popping off about her Grammy win, saying that she didn't deserve it.  Well, guess what?  Millions of people thought she did.  To win in a male dominated field and category should be considered an honor, but the trolls only see that their favorite didn't win.  They are mad because she won. They are mad because Offset supported his wife on stage. They are mad at everything she does. And they bully. And they bully. And. They. Bully.

I saw one comment that said that, in reference to scenes from the rapper Blueface's song with Cardi, that "that's all she's good for...being a stripper hoe and fake rapper".  Well, let me let you in on a lil' secret...last time I checked, dudes were paying to see hoes, not listen to them.  Cardi has made millions because people love HER and her MUSIC.  These record labels, fashion execs, etc. would not put the money behind Cardi if they didn't believe in her, just like her fans do.  They believe in her, and they support her! They buy the tickets, they buy the music.  Not only is she talented, she is beloved by celebs and non-celebs alike, because unlike some others, she doesn't present herself as "untouchable".  Cardi is truly the #PeoplesChamp!

And another thing you may not know...you can actually like both Cardi and Nicki. No one told you that? Well, like...yeah, you can.  In a male dominated field, how many of you only like 1 male rapper? I love TI, Gucci, Drake, Jay Cole, and 21 Savage. The same goes for women in the industry.  You can like more than one female MC. And if you don't--fine--you don't have to disrespect the others just because they are not your fav! Let's grow up, people!

But as to why I'm pissed at Cardi...Cardi has millions of fans that love and adore her. I'm one of those fans.  I have watched her go from social media, to #LoveandHipHop, to top of the charts, to now winning one of the music industry's highest honors.  My soror is a pastor that loves her. Another is a teacher that loves her. Children love her. Celebs love her. Old people love her. I couldn't be more proud of her if she were my own child.  Yet, to see her give so much power to the haters and trolls of social media is disheartening.  It shows me that no matter how many fans and supporters love her, the haters still have more influence over her than her millions of adoring fans.   It's also disheartening to see how evil social media trolls can be, to seek out a person that does not even know they exist, just to try to degrade them and minimize their accomplishment.  It's sick, and I hope you internet trolls play with matches wearing gasoline draws, you bitches....but I digress.

Cardi, I'm mad at you because you let their hate blind you to your fans love! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em upside the wall with high heel shoes on!  I know it's hard, but for all the hatred, you have a whole planet that loves and supports you.  #BardiGang...forever!

Come back, Cardi!

#WeGottaTalk
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Relationship Tug of War--When Do You Let Go?

Women are an emotional breed. Generally, our actions are dictated by our emotions.  Thankfully, we also have common sense to guide us, as our emotions often lend themselves to us making some downright stupid mistakes.  But what happens when we allow our emotions to cloud our judgement, to overshadow the most basic instinct that any woman should possess, which is to protect herself and her children at all costs? What happens then? Why do we, as women, allow ourselves to participate in what, in effect, amounts to a three-ring circus with a man that refuses to be loyal to us? When you are pulling for your man in the tug-of-war of love, and the side chick is pulling in the other direction, when do you let go?

Let's get this out of the way. If you are the type of chick that will tell a man that "you have to choose", then you definitely need to continue reading!  I hate to hear a woman use that phrase: "you have to choose", or "why does he do this to me?" Why do we give men that power? Why is it that we want for HIM to choose us? When we give men this authority, then we are giving them power over us. They know that they have our hearts in the palms of their hands, and they are free to toy with, squish, and otherwise maim it in anyway possible. And by giving them that power over our lives, they know that we are unwilling to let go. This is why we want them to choose, because we allow ourselves to feel powerless in situations where we should feel powerful.  The Bible says that a  MAN that finds a WIFE finds a good thing.  Do you understand the power that God gives woman in that simple phrase?  A woman is a prize! She is worthy of respect, and by giving our power to a man, we only disrespect ourselves...

Which brings me to my next point. It's ALL ABOUT RESPECT. If YOU don't respect you, then don't expect for HIM to respect you. However, it's important to understand that a woman should be RESPECTABLE! If you are in the club every weekend with a bottle in your mouth, yelling "turn up", and otherwise being RATCHET, then you aren't exhibiting behaviors of a woman that deserves respect.  But even the most respectable women run into some disrespectful men, and I don't care how long you've supported him, how long you've "had his back", no matter how many babies you have by him, it comes down to this: He either respects you, or he doesn't. And if he can not respect you as his lover, his friend, his confident, his child's mother, than you can't MAKE him do it.  If he refuses to give you the respect that you rightfully deserve, then MOVE AROUND! Screw it, because this old adage is true: A man will only do what a woman LET'S him do.  If your man treats you like dirt, tell homie to eat rocks! Nothing gets a man's respect like saying "F... You", and meaning it. Nothing moves a man to action more quickly than knowing that his woman has moved on WITHOUT HIM.  If he really loves you, he will do what it takes to be the man in your life. If he doesn't, then he wasn't sh** , anyway, and you are better off without him!

How can I say this? Because I have been through it! My husband and I were back and forth, off and on, for years. And it probably would have stayed that way, if I didn't put my foot down.  I remember one evening, we had a little rendezvous, and afterward, this fool felt that he was ballsy enough to tell me that he had a new girlfriend. Huh, do what, now? Whatchu just say? At that point, I knew that I had enough. I didn't curse him out. Nope, not at all. However, I remember telling him that when he walked out of my front door, he would not be walking back through it. He thought that I was playing, but I was oh, so serious.  At that time, we had one child together.  After he walked out my front door, I kept my word. There were no "booty calls". There was no coming over to see the kid. Hell, you want him, come and pick him up or I can drop him off--I don't need you being under me! If it had nothing to do with our child, then we had no conversation. Why should we? Friends would have treated one another better than he treated me, so I didn't see the need for unnecessary conversation. He did his thing, and I did mine.  I took a vacation, and took that opportunity to renew myself.  I came back home with my son, happy and refreshed, because I had begun to reevalute my life. I realized that it wasn't him that was making me unhappy; I had more unresolved issues that I needed to contend with. But allowing him to come in and out of my life wasn't lending itself to making me happy, either, so I truly let go. I dealt with my issues, and allowed him to live the life that he wanted to live, and then...

He realized that once he had what he wanted, he didn't want what he had.  He realized that what he had was a young girl, and what he needed was a woman. And I was that woman.  I was strong, independent, and I had his back at all times. I loved his children from his previous relationships, and what shocked him was that even when we were no longer together, his children still loved and confided in me. I was truly his "ride-or-die chick". But I had to let him go, allow him to live "in that moment", so that he could see what was really right before him all along.  I did not want to force what I wanted as my "reality" to be his "reality". After almost a year, I received a call late one night. I had no idea who it could be; the number wasn't familiar to me (he would still see his child, however, conversation between us was very limited). "Hello" I answered. "Hey" was his response, followed by "do you mind if I call, just to talk?" Now looky there...I took that power away from him when I stood by my word!  The choice was not his, it was all mine! We talked for quite awhile, and when met to talk face-to-face again, I was looking at a completely different person. He didn't just look at me, but he SAW me. He respected me. He LOVED me. He LISTENED to me. And I could tell the difference, and it wasn't because of anything he said or did. When a person's heart truly changes, you can see the difference illuminating them from within. Even when I spoke, he hung on every word. Even the way that he touched me, the way that he held me, everything was different. He was a different man, not because he HAD to be, but because he wanted to be a BETTER man. And that's what he did. We've been married now almost 4 years.

When you've given it your all, and your all just isn't enough, then it's time to let go. Stop giving him power over you! You deserve better in this life, but it's up to you to seek out your "better".  Live your life being the best person that you can be, and the rest will fall into place.  We have to stop chasing men that don't want to be caught, loving men that can't love us, respecting men that find joy in disrespecting us. Life is TOO SHORT! Slowly inhale. Exhale. Then. Just. Let. Go...

That Ol' Throwback Kinda Love

So, I was talking to my girl friend the other day, and we heard this classic R&B single by Karyn White, "Can I Stay With You", come on the radio.  Oh, we threw our hands in the air like we were in church, and Karyn was the pastor! *Preach!!!* That song brought back so many memories! "Never felt so good before, never dreamed I would explore, making love in the positions that you've got me doing...."  We continued to talk and reminisce as the song played, and the subject of "old loves" became the topic of conversation.

Now, I'm going to be honest. My girl Lisa and I did some HEAVY dirt back in the day!  I wouldn't say we were hoes back then, but uhh....we were hoes back then! lol! But tasteful, tactful hoes, though! We're reformed hoes now, as we've put all of that way, way behind us, but sometimes, it does feel good to reminisce.  One rule I had back in the day, though, was to never sleep with the same person too many times, because you will most definitely "catch feelings", and falling in love was not the name of the game.  Still, sometimes it happened, and we definitely had friends that we caught feelings for...

So, Lisa tells me that one of her "old flames" had sent her an email, and that they had been chatting back and forth via email and texts, and sometimes by phone.  She's married now (we both are), and as much as she loves her husband, she confesses to me that she has never stopped loving her old flame.  He was such a special part of her life. He helped her through some very traumatic moments in her life, and he's always been her ideal man.  Due to circumstances beyond both their control, their lives took separate directions, and they both ended up marrying different people. Yet he's always held a special place in Lisa's heart.

via GIPHY

She hasn't made a move yet...so this story is subject to change at any moment. And I most definitely will keep you updated.

Do you have an old flame that still burns in your heart?
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